“You cook: I’ll do the dishes.” “No, you cook and I will do the dishes.”
You can feel the warmth, depending upon your take of the tone of their voices. We say things to each other, often in a tone that to us is neutral and maybe even kind. The recipient on the other end, may not always take that tone as a sign of cooperative feelings. A many of hurt feelings or misinterpretations would simply go away if we just smothered our own speaking voice with mooney saccharine. You know; no one can resist “Sugar and spice and everything nice.”
“Just-a-swingin.” Charlotte Johnson was on the front porch swingin, with her hope to be, full-time boyfriend. They mutually discovered their compatibility, started with their love of sitting on the front porch, just-a-swingin, and all the while there were goings-on in and outside of the house. Her brother was on the sofa eating chocolate pie, her mama was in the kitchen cuttin’ chicken up to fry, her daddy was in the backyard rolling up a garden hose. Now this is all really taking place in a song called; Swingin, sung by John Anderson.
We don’t really know how many beaus sat on that swing with Charlotte. But there’s one thing for certain, that was the beginning of her compatibility factor. Sometimes it’s the simplest things we do in life, that open up the greatest doors to love and happiness, and even creative success.
First day of school, first day on a new job, and the always dicey first date. Collectively, these are usually our first ventures into compatibility, the kind where we are not being guided by a parent or a well-meaning relative. Within a few words or a sentence or two with someone we meet for the first time. There’s a hugeness of mental processes taking place, and they generally lead to one of three outcomes. 1. I like this person. 2. I don’t like this person. 3.Tolerable. Every one of these have a compatibility factor. If you like someone it could go all the way to romance. If you don’t like someone, you’re probably following your gut instincts, “Run!” If you find the person to be tolerable, then it becomes a multiple-choice game. A. I need to put up with this person because I need the job. B. I want to be popular with everyone. C. Well, at least they’re halfway cute.
Relationships, the long-standing ones. Compatibility is like a yo-yo, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. The wrong word at the right time, or the right word at the wrong time, rarely given with malice, often can trigger literally hours and maybe days of the dreaded, “incompatibility.” We all do our best to be gracious even when our feelings are hurt, but sometimes a misguided or misdirected group of words can be as piercing as the sharpest arrow. Tolerance is the antidote to the inflicted. Maybe a good strategy would be to buy a front porch swing, and after a dustup of emotions, we should all be “Just-a-Swingin.” If nothing else it is a form of exercise and it causes the release of endorphins that makes most people happy.
Compatibility of stuff: like art, or mobile phones, or maybe the chair or couch we like to sit on when we watch TV. Inanimate objects can make us happy or they can stress us out. Not too many people like to drive by a funeral parlor; or maybe they do. Driving by is a good thing. Everything we come in contact with, reeks of compatibility. Some are blessings, others are cursed. We can obsess over objects like the hobby of collecting knickknacks. They not only need regular dusting, but in time they can be quite overwhelming and require carloads of attention. If your mate is busy collecting beer cans that can be the pinnacle of annoying, and by most people’s standards not a hobby designed to create compatibility.
“Compatibility is a factor of being
harmonious and agreeable,
when all the stars line up properly.”
Rod Jones Artist
I like to talk about creativity, and that’s a topic where the compatibility factor gets very complicated. You have to be compatible with yourself. It’s surprising how many people aren’t, even when they think they are. Creativity is personality driven, and that does not always mean a great personality is super creative. Great works of art, literature and the performing arts, have been successfully driven, by some rather cantankerous, boorish, and ill tempered individuals. The more they festered from within, their compatibility with others diminished, but it didn’t seem to directly impact their creative output. On the other hand, some of the most talented creative types, enjoyed the adulation of their peers simply because they were easy to deal with.
Being easy to deal with doesn’t necessarily get you the best results. There are many actors and actresses that will freely admit that the director was downright brutal in their criticisms and coaxing. But only to reveal later that a particularly mean director made them become an excellent actor. Criticism when interpreted the right way, can truly be a motivational force on the road to realizing your dreams.
We all live most of our lives inside our head, shuffling information and feedback at lightning speeds. Some thoughts and ideas are compatible; others are disconcerting. The factors that cause emotional stability mostly lie in our ability to keep all of our thoughts in a state of compatibility with each other. When our creative thinking is harmonious; compatibility thrives and the results, although they may generally come out favorably.
Spend an hour inside your head trying to think creatively, then stop abruptly, call someone or talk to someone by engaging in a casual conversation. Then watch what happens to your notion of compatibility with the person you’re chatting with. You may discover that the conversation can seem boring and may not bring much meaning to your previous thoughts. But here’s the key our brains and our souls need a rest from creative thinking. Your casual chit chat serves a purpose, it helps relax the neurons that were firing on all 12 cylinders and get you back into the steady, but reliable per and hum of a well tuned creative engine.
The compatibility factor is whatever you would like it to be. You may be compatible with yourself when it comes to your everyday thinking. When the wrong person or situation pops into your head via an uncomfortable memory, your stability of compatibility flies out the window.
Loving relationships are built on one solid compatibility factor, and that is mutual trust and maybe more importantly respect. We all have good days and we all have bad days. Be understanding and sympathetic because your compatibility factor may be set at 100+ and your soulmate may be having a bad day and hovering around 23 or 27. Recognize that our emotions can move very quickly and may be triggered by incompatible factors. Rescue yourself with self love and the understanding that everyone is not perfect and especially yourself.
“Compatibility has a temper that rarely
knows it’s strength.” Rod Jones Artist